


Of darkness and hopeful dogs

by ca_te



Category: Loveless
Genre: Angst, M/M, Shounen ai
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-09-05
Updated: 2010-09-05
Packaged: 2017-10-11 12:05:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 459
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/112224
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ca_te/pseuds/ca_te
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Written on 20th February 2009. This is from Ritsuka's POV.</p>
    </blockquote>





	Of darkness and hopeful dogs

**Author's Note:**

> Written on 20th February 2009. This is from Ritsuka's POV.

At the beginning there was darkness.

He could feel the sound of his eyelashes rubbing against the pillow. He couldn't sleep. He bit down on his lower lip, trying to stop his thoughts from overflowing.

He couldn't remember exactly when he had began to think this much, just a gear over the other, blocking everything.

Maybe it was from Semei's death, he wondered, chewing harder on his soft skin. just one more bruise, just a little more blood.

He shifted under the covers, facing the wall and pressed his little hands against the cold.

And as always at that time of the night, when every thing and everyone had faded away, his thoughts ran back to Soubi.

He hit his palms against the wall. " Like stupid dogs, they always go back to him". And when his thoughts come to this point they always begin to run faster, one after the other, without breaks.

Ritsuka hid his head under the covers and tried to calm his breath, which seemed to be just stuck somewhere in his lungs.

He knew he would never admit what crossed his mind in those nights, how badly he ached for a kiss or just Soubi's hand brushing against his own by mistake.

Anyway it was all a mistake, wasn't it? Just a coincidence.

He fished around for the cell phone and then let the aseptic azure light fall over his, far from aseptic, thoughts. He just lied there, eyes glued to the butterfly of the wallpaper, until he began to see blue spots all around the room.

Still he didn't close his eyes.

There were times he wanted pain, the pain of the wounds, the pain of the eyes when he kept them open wide in front of the light.

Just something to forget and compensate, to compensate that he would never have him. All because of the scars a name left behind.

He wondered if it wouldn't be better if every one was blank. Pure and white, without stupid words written on their skins and hidden somewhere inside of them as some strange parasite. If the world had worked like this, every one could have had so many possibilities in only one life, no orders to follow, no paths already chosen…and he could have written his name on Soubi, without pain, without words, just being there.

His eyes became watery, trying to resist against the light.

He closed them.

Blue spots remained on the black under his eyelids. Then they began to disappear, slowly, as if they were retreating.

And in the end there was darkness.

Darkness and, still there, that need, which had never faded away not even in front of pitch black, it just remained there, like a stupid hopeful dog.


End file.
